dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
