Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vagina is talking i cant
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
