You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
