I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Help. Why am I so naked?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
