did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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