Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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