You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
