Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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