My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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