He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
