Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
