I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize