I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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