Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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