I think my fart just growled at me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
