You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
