So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
