Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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