I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
