The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
