You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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