So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
