I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
