Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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