Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
babies were throwing up all over the place
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
