nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
