he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.