Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait