woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
