I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.