Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?