My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Drake has all the answers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.