Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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