Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
