sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
