it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
