So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
