What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think my vagina is haunted
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
