hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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