No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
