Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
