So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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