I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
