It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
