Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
