i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize