Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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