Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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