i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
