i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
