I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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