last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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