Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize