call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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