We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
