i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
