I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He is an equal opportunity slut.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Everclear isn't food dammit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
