There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
