he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
