You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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