If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
