we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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