tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
