I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i permit you to call me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
