I puked a lego.
Buhtt sex?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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