Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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