I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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