No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
