ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
