In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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